Great take-aways from the book Getting the Love You Want...
Ironically, we are actually safer in a relationship when we lower our defenses than if we keep them up, because our partner becomes an ally not an enemy.
Ten Guidelines for a Conscious Marriage
- Realize that our love relationship has a hidden purpose - to heal childhood wounds, and change bad behaviors so we can grow as individuals.
- Create a more accurate image of our partner. Let go of illusions and begin to see our partner for who they really are. We see our partner not as our savior, but as another wounded human being, struggling to be healed.
- Take responsibility for communicating our needs and desires to our partner. Don't cling to the childhood belief that our partner automatically knows our needs. Instead, accept the fact that in order to understand each other, we have to develop clear channels of communication.
- Train yourself to behave in a more constructive manner.
- Don't assume that your partner's role in life is to take care of your needs magically. Let go of this narcissistic view and devote more energy to meeting your own needs and then meeting your partner's needs.
- Acknowledge your negative traits and accept responsibility for the things that you need to work on.
- Find sources other than your partner to meet your needs.
- Search within yourself for areas of need and help yourself grow, instead of relying on your partner to support you where you're weak.
- Work on connecting to the people around you.
- Accept the difficulty of creating a good marriage. Instead of believing that the way to have a good marriage is to pick the right partner, realize that you have to BE the right partner and remember that a good marriage requires commitment, discipline, and the courage to grow and change; marriage is hard work.
